....I cut my own throat open and asked you how i died....

I don't know what to write here..... how about.... life sucks, i'm in a go nowhere relationship and we both know it, i'm one session away from finishing my tattoo, and my car got broken into with all my stereo equipment stolen, the parking tickets, the question of me keeping my job and all the general pain that comes with everyday life..... i can almost feel the blade through the bottom of my jaw.....

And the title's all your gonna get on that topic....... by the by it's less then 5 days to christmas and i havn't brought a single gift...... i think i care, but i don't...... i want more of tattoo done soon..... i would really like that....

I've still got to buy everyones presants yet..... I've already got mine from my mum since she wasn't capable of figuring it out for herself, and that i had to pay for it...... I new CD player for my car and a new pair of speakers..... could be fun, could make me angry at all the wrong times..... And i hate this time of year for another reason..... reason's that make me feel so weak against the waves of time...... the wash that seems to wear away my resolve...... i'm small and weak again, only this time i know it........

Well..... i'm offically taking a sick day because of the amount of pain in my head and because i can barely move away from the tv without strugaling to catch my breath..... and i'm trying to think about what my new years resolution is going to be..... i need to get some idea of what i want to do with my life..... at the moment i carn't even look after myself..... i carn't even talk to people without relising that, even thou i care for a person and want to know them better, i carn't..... i carn't do anything for them that they may need from me..... i want to cry and make it all better......

I want to reach over to the moon and wisper in it's ear about how much it means to me..... I love going for a walk in the early eve with a full moon..... walk by the water and it smiles at you twice...... disapear behind a tree and sit in the darkness, with the full knowladge that it's mearly waiting for you..... even if you cry, the moon makes all things look like they should be...... dead, with tears in their eyes.....